Lesbians have the right to say no

@Glesga_keelie says the pressure on lesbian women who assert their sexual boundaries is unacceptable

By all accounts, yesterday’s story on the BBC website – ‘We’re being pressured into sex by some trans women’ – has been more than a year in the making.

The outrage at its publication took only seconds on social media.

The grievance was not the truly dreadful and disturbing revelations (not news to many of us) that some lesbians have been sexually assaulted, raped or pressured into sexual relationships by trans-identified men (transwomen) who insist they too are lesbians.

Instead much of the outrage was that the journalist included the results of a survey of 80 lesbians, inflaming those who consider any criticism of trans people as bigotry.

Wheesht for the ‘community’

There was little or no acknowledgement of the hurt and anguish of those women who had gone through such trauma, then publicly revealed their raw pain.

Instead we got comments like this, from a lesbian academic no less:

And this from the CEO of Stonewall, which should rebrand itself for GBTQ+ for all the attention it ever pays to lesbians:

Nobody should ever be pressured into dating or pressured into dating people they aren’t attracted to. But if you find that when dating, you are writing off entire groups of people, like people of colour, fat people, disabled people or trans people, then it’s worth considering how societal prejudices may have shaped your attractions.

Nancy Kelley, Stonewall CEO, in a comment to the BBC

That’s right. Nancy Kelley, a lesbian, comparing a preference for who you sleep with to racism. She says societal prejudices shape your attractions. If you learn your prejudices, you can unlearn them.

Take that to its logical conclusion and this is conversion therapy – a wee bit of work and voila! You can unlearn your innate sexual attraction.

How is what Nancy Kelley any different to my parents telling me I just hadn’t met the right man? Or to the colleague who continually insisted I couldn’t know I was a lesbian if I’d “never tried dick”?

No. Enough is enough.

Lesbian: a woman who is sexually attracted to other women

We lesbians are same-sex attracted women. We are sexually and romantically attracted to other women. We are not interested in sexual or romantic relationships with men, even those men who feel they are women.

Any woman who has relationships with females and males is bisexual. And that’s fine. But leave us lesbians alone.

Only women can be lesbians, a fact that was not in any dispute until trans activism began to dismantle the boundaries between the sexes in practice and in language and called it progress.

It is not progressive to tell women they cannot choose their own sexual partners and frame their choices as phobic or bigoted.

A challenge to the status quo

Lesbians have always been a challenge to the patriarchy, to society’s status quo because we say no to men. But the once-pathetic male pick-up line of “I’m really a lesbian inside” is now being said in all seriousness.

Lesbian-only spaces have always been limited and easily over-run. Lesbians never had the spending power of the so-called pink pound.

Is there a single commercial woman-only space anywhere in the UK now? Not that there were many in Scotland when I first came out, but we at least had options, not least the monthly women-only disco and women-only nights in established gay bars, which were a haven even for someone like me who was never keen on the scene.

A room of our own

Young lesbians first discovering their feelings deserve something similar. A women-only environment where they learn they are allowed to set boundaries, to say NO to anyone – male or female – who breaches those boundaries.

They need positive lesbian role models, especially younger ones to whom they can relate. Lesbian role models who are proudly lesbian and don’t indulge the intersectional BS.

What they don’t need are lesbian academics telling them to wheesht and not show up the LGBTQ community by calling out predators.

What they don’t need are the lesbian leaders of charities telling them to unlearn their preferences and calling their desires prejudices.

What they don’t need are people on social media mindlessly chanting transwomen are women* at them as Twitter is doing today.

Reclaim your name

Whoever you are as a lesbian – the out and proud, the teenager struggling with a crush on a friend, a married mum who followed convention because she didn’t think she had any options, the long-coupled or the older woman whose buried feelings can no longer be suppressed – you have the right to be yourself, to claim your place as a woman who rejects male bodies and male attention, to assert your boundaries as a same-sex attracted women.

And the rest can go to hell.

*This is the obvious outcome of transwomen are women, where you redefine the word woman to include anyone who says they are one. It’s one of the main reasons the Sole Sisters came together and why we keep fighting against gender self-identification – the words we use to name ourselves are OURS, the boundaries we set are OURS. No one – no politician, no activist – can change them and demand we simply accept their new version of reality without a fight.

** Header image with permission of @GetTheLOutUK

3 thoughts on “Lesbians have the right to say no

  1. I gave some positive feedback to the BBC about their article. I believe they’ve had hundreds of complaints – I mean, how BIGOTED of lesbians to say they not penis-attracted – so I heeded the call to send some positive feedback in as well. I believe that when lesbians are called bigoted and prejudice, they should just say “yes, we are”. Everyone is prejudiced in their relationship and sexual preferences, including transwomen – otherwise why don’t they date other transwomen – so they should just get over it. If no one tells them beforehand how hard it will be to have a relationship or find sexual partners as a transwoman, that’s not something lesbians have offer themselves up for as compensation, or put right for them. Men have always found ways and names to to try and shame women into having sex with them – i.e. prude, cock teaser – lesbians being called bigots is just adding another word to the list.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I have seen many lesbians say this has happened to them in my years on this topic. And talked online with some lesbians that were raped by transwomen. My heart is broken and I am very depressed and in pain about all of this. The hate to lesbians is the worst Ive seen in decades and we are being abandoned by our own orgs and institutions.And why? We have done nothing. We have not asked for the transgender ideology, we have not asked for our homosexuality to be demonized, we have not asked for our homosexuality being reduced to an identity, we have no asked for our same sex only attraction be defined away as same gender attraction. We have not been asked to share our female homosexuality with males that ID as women. We have not been asked and we have not consented to any of this. We are innocent.If people want to talk about true marginalization, hate and discrimination, this is it.

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